I am feeling lonely for the first time in over a year. I can't remember when the last time I felt lonely was. Was it 6 months ago when I had my last crush?
Is it the meditation I have been doing?
Is it the stranger I have been flirting with online?
I do not often feel a strong desire for another human. Isn't that fortunate? I appreciate a lot of people. I like to think that I see people as the vulnerable and beautiful beings that they are. Meditation increases my ability to do so too.
There are a few types of desires that I have felt.
1. Familial bond - my family loved me as I grew up, so I love them. It's conditional, otherwise I don't know if I can love them. Do I love my dad? I don't. I hate him. Not saying it's justified. It's just what it is.
2. Friendship where you want to interact with them. Talk with them, go on a road trip with them, experience things with them because they are fun to hang out with and interesting to talk to.
3. Friendship where you admire them but more idolize them. You are a bit scared to get too close because proximity is bound to dim their light. But you like to be around because you get inspired and feel better about life.
4. Pure animalistic pull. Shhh... baby, I love you but can we skip all the talking?
5. Animalistic pull induced delusion - his profound soul will make a great travel buddy and dad.
My loneliness is not based in sex because I am always horny but rarely lonely.
It is not rooted in emotional connection either.
I miss romance and flirting. It's a different kind of fun.
Don't you wish more people could see themselves how you see them?
I wish more people would believe me when I tell them what I see in them.
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