I can’t talk to him anymore. He is no good. Ok good, we know he is bad. Bad. Bad. Temptation. Good that it has been established. Toss it in the “Over and Done” bin. Move on from the devil… devil… devilishly handsome. And sensible. And sweet. The way he looked at you… The poetry he wrote? He loves you. You aren’t perfect either. He’s probably suffering right now. Didn’t you say everyone is just trying their best with what they have? Punishing someone for not knowing better? You heartless little minx.
Maybe you’ve wronged him. Should I text him? No. Yes. What are you thinking?
But not until now did I start to feel what it’s actually like to hold conflicting views.
Who’s to say we should only feel one way about someone just because it’s easier? Your best friend, your shitty parent, the neighbour upstairs, that sexy pop singer that can dance up a storm… It is so easy to wrap someone in an all good or all bad aura in your head. And we often do. Pity, contempt, appreciation, fear, lust, warmth, hatred… They colour everything. In different moments, we feel differently about the person, the situation, the prospect, and ourselves. But only one can be true, right?
He is all of those things. And the truth is we feel all of those things about him. This relationship is a dashboard with a zillion different dials. It’s okay. You don’t have to be confused. To live with conflicting views is the key to clearing your confusion because now you can make a decision, knowing everything you know now and feeling everything you feel now, without actually feeling torn. Weird I know, but it's because you don't have to choose. Remember? Bulldozing yourself is a sure-fire way of ruining your relationship with yourself.
You are an ocean, just like the Internet. And there are a lot of things in the ocean. The ocean does not wake up one day and decide to just call itself a starfish colony.
I understood the importance of holding conflicting views. Look, they aren’t actually conflicting views. They simply don’t conform to the idiotic right or wrong, good or bad dichotomous paradigm, which some call the root of all evil.
Of course I knew that. I am a nuanced thinker 🧐
Of course I knew that. I am a nuanced thinker 🧐
But not until now did I start to feel what it’s actually like to hold conflicting views.
Who’s to say we should only feel one way about someone just because it’s easier? Your best friend, your shitty parent, the neighbour upstairs, that sexy pop singer that can dance up a storm… It is so easy to wrap someone in an all good or all bad aura in your head. And we often do. Pity, contempt, appreciation, fear, lust, warmth, hatred… They colour everything. In different moments, we feel differently about the person, the situation, the prospect, and ourselves. But only one can be true, right?
He is all of those things. And the truth is we feel all of those things about him. This relationship is a dashboard with a zillion different dials. It’s okay. You don’t have to be confused. To live with conflicting views is the key to clearing your confusion because now you can make a decision, knowing everything you know now and feeling everything you feel now, without actually feeling torn. Weird I know, but it's because you don't have to choose. Remember? Bulldozing yourself is a sure-fire way of ruining your relationship with yourself.
You are an ocean, just like the Internet. And there are a lot of things in the ocean. The ocean does not wake up one day and decide to just call itself a starfish colony.
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