I want to be clear.
After I explained my feelings to someone, he asked, “Would you say you are in love?” Without hesitation, I said, “Absolutely I would. In the past.”
But love means something different to me now.
When I say love, I have decided to take something as part of myself.
When I say “in love“I am feeling attraction, infatuation or lust so strong that I can’t get the person out of my head. Time spent with them is decadent. It is a feeling state. An attitude. A color. My heart bursts with pleasure and yearning when I think of you.
Everything else is just some type of positive regard - appreciation, attachment, safety, gratitude, adoration, respect.
This definition of love sounds simple but how often do we pitch ourselves against a loved one? How often do we take satisfaction in proving our power over someone by provoking them? How often do we control, manipulate, play games, disdain to feel better about ourselves? All done in the name of love.
"Oh I am so infatuated with you,” or “My feelings are of a strong lustful nature propelled by biology into the realm of emotion but I could just be kidding myself” are too pedantic. Imagine saying that day in and day out. Why is there only one English word for positive regards? Well at least there are “love” and “in love”. Not much to work with, right?
So I still say “I love you”. Not without me spelling out the implications though. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I want you to know where you stand, for better or worse.
We are obsessed with “LOVE”. The English speakers. It is never enough to just say "I am attracted to you, I am obsessed with you, I can't get you out of my head." “LOVE” has to be in the formula or it’s worth nothing. We all have a definition. Not examined. But Love is such a loaded word. Isn’t it irresponsible to just assume we mean the same thing? And proceed to fill in the blank with a time stamp of Forever and soul-shattering intensity?
After I explained my feelings to someone, he asked, “Would you say you are in love?” Without hesitation, I said, “Absolutely I would. In the past.”
But love means something different to me now.
When I say love, I have decided to take something as part of myself.
When I say “in love“I am feeling attraction, infatuation or lust so strong that I can’t get the person out of my head. Time spent with them is decadent. It is a feeling state. An attitude. A color. My heart bursts with pleasure and yearning when I think of you.
Everything else is just some type of positive regard - appreciation, attachment, safety, gratitude, adoration, respect.
This definition of love sounds simple but how often do we pitch ourselves against a loved one? How often do we take satisfaction in proving our power over someone by provoking them? How often do we control, manipulate, play games, disdain to feel better about ourselves? All done in the name of love.
"Oh I am so infatuated with you,” or “My feelings are of a strong lustful nature propelled by biology into the realm of emotion but I could just be kidding myself” are too pedantic. Imagine saying that day in and day out. Why is there only one English word for positive regards? Well at least there are “love” and “in love”. Not much to work with, right?
So I still say “I love you”. Not without me spelling out the implications though. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I want you to know where you stand, for better or worse.
We are obsessed with “LOVE”. The English speakers. It is never enough to just say "I am attracted to you, I am obsessed with you, I can't get you out of my head." “LOVE” has to be in the formula or it’s worth nothing. We all have a definition. Not examined. But Love is such a loaded word. Isn’t it irresponsible to just assume we mean the same thing? And proceed to fill in the blank with a time stamp of Forever and soul-shattering intensity?
This spells trouble. Broken-hearts-and-wasted-moments kind of trouble.
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