I would sometimes exaggerate compliments. I don’t do it anymore for many reasons, but I was very good at it. Now I feel like writing down all the morally questionable things I have done in my life. Would be fun!
Anyway, I was dating this guy. To me he was an 8 (now a 4), but I made him believe that I thought he was a 15. I have dated 9s that others thought were 7s, so this subject matter is heavily subjective. But between him and me, let’s just say if you surveyed 100 people on who they think was more attractive, I would win without a shadow of a doubt.
He was a fat kid and a fat adult up until 2 years prior to meeting me, when he started counting calories and became skinny but also subsequently lost most of his body temp regulation and butt. Although he looked weathered and gangly when we met, the sheer willpower that went into him losing all that weight added mad attraction points. He was a big foodie.
I am an M top, L bottom in Japan, US size 8. A hot Asian babe not fitting the traditional dainty east Asian feminine bill, which is what a lot of white men in Japan are after. He even told me if he didn’t find east women attractive, he wouldn’t have come to Japan. What a dumb thing to tell your girlfriend, but that wasn’t even nearly the most messed up thing he said.
He constantly and openly doubted his attraction towards me. His body would say yes, but his words would say otherwise. What an interesting man! While most people’s actions fall short, where he fell short was always his words. The shit that would come out of his mouth… I suspect that he’s got some sort of neuro divergence.
Projective identification was at play as well. He projected his shame around his looks onto me, and my own shame and assumptions made me a perfect match for it. I have always looked different from the typical pretty girl, so growing up I never felt attractive. No matter how many people have told me that I was beautiful, it always bounced right off. My mind was open to it but my heart never was.
It was always the ex-fatso that made me feel fat. The ones that have been fit all along thought I was quite alright the way I was.
Comments
Post a Comment